Sometimes the hardest thing in life is love,and the hardest question you can ever ask yourself if it's time to let go or if you should just wait?
i've asked myself this question for the past year,and i always come up with the conclusion that i'll stay and wait no matter how long it takes 'cos i really love this person with every cell in my body.but could that ever be enough for him?
it seems like no,since he can't see what i'm putting myself through for him.
you can say he's selfish for only thinking about himself...but when you think about it,love is selfish.
when it comes to the realm of love we always think about ourselves and what we need and want.there's no escaping that.
another conclusion that i have also come to face is to just let him go,it's not like i'm giving up right?
'cos all i am really doing is letting go of him just to save myself before i become non-existent.at times i feel like he's doing this to me to punish me and hurt me,like if it was all just a game.
and it gets me really angry,with not just him but with myself for letting him have that big of a hold on my decisions and life in general.
at this point i feel like it's a mute point,i love him,i truly do!!!
but he just can't see that,if he could only,for one day open his eyes and see what i am about,and where i'm coming from.will he then understand?i dunno...
in the meantime all i am left with right now is pain that i'm trying to hide from everyone...and i'm pretty damn good at it,if i can say so myself.
besides being left with just the pain,i am left here trying to heal myself with music that really numbs the pain,and with school distractions.
but even then,pain can't be numb for too long,we soon enough get to feel the "after-shock" of we are trying to hide so often.sometimes,it's better to just face the pain and hurt that we are going through instead of ignoring every bit of agonizing second that we aren't with this person.
hei hei
xoxo
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