Why am i pushing my loved ones away?i always thought that becoming close to someone,that it would give
them the chance to destroy me.
'cos they knew my weaknesses and how i operate.
but in reality it's not them.
i'm the one that's going to cause the self destruction.
it's not that i push people away on purpose,it just happens.
when i meet someone i already know that i won't give them
the opportunity to know me.yet,their letting me into their lives.it's not fair to them.
and i hate that trait!
during the day i just walk around in a shell.
but at night,it's another story.
at night is when i need someone,'cos as much as i say i adore my solitude.
it's a lie,i hate being lonesome at night.
i can't sleep,and sometimes i even think of different ways to kill myself.
'cos i feel that's the only way it'll go away.
indeed i do wait for sweet death to come visit me at night.
i don't wanna feel anything,i wanna see darkness.'cos i've always
welcomed it with open arms.
but when i wake,it's back to that little shell,and that happy act.
i'm used to it.
so i know i'm the one responsible for my destruction.
pushing people away for years is just going to catch up to me in the end.
xoxoSource URL: http://lifestyleartsblogs.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-have-never-wanted-to-be-number-one.html
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